How To Learn From Failure At Abstaining From Porn Addiction?
How To Learn From Failure At Abstaining From Porn Addiction?

How To Learn From Failure At Abstaining From Porn Addiction?

I am sure you think that there is nothing new for you to learn here. You are flat-out dead wrong!

Remember how Thomas Eddison invented the lightbulb. Do you think he made 10000 lightbulbs and counted that eventually, one will work? Or that he went methodically, each time trying something new until he got it right?

Approach To Failure

In general, we all know that we should learn from our mistakes. Some learn after the first attempt. Others keep falling on the same patch of ice over and over again. The approach to using failure is also too simplified. Like “I will automatically remember to avoid that the next time”!

You are depriving yourself of greatness here. Right here!

You don’t see failure as a useful tool for learning but as being incompetent and useless. It is a harmful and dangerous point of view. I know it’s hard to change your perspective, but humor me for a few days and try another approach.

Be Conscious Of Failure

Let’s say you have a problem with masturbation to Pornography. You decide you will stop masturbating to Porn because it has detrimental consequences to your health. You will abstain from it by pure will. After one day, the willpower is overpowered by urges, and you relapse. You decide once again it’s time to quit and do the whole thing over again. So it’s a relapse and a relapse day after day with no finish line in sight. After a relapse, you should instead:

Think about what was the thing that triggered you

Ad of a girl in swimsuit

  • How can you minimize the chances of contact with an Ad on the internet setting you off?

You are touching yourself

  • How can you be more mindful of what you are doing automatically?
  • Pull your hands away when you notice you are touching yourself.
  • What are you doing when you touch yourself?

Thoughts of sex that sometimes just come up

  • When do they come up?
  • Why?
  • Do you follow them, or do you shut them down?

Playing a video game. 

  • What video game?
  • At what time?
  • Why do you even play that game?
  • Are you bored?

Is it a specific location where you usually do it?

  • Your room?
  • Is it locked?
  • Can anyone see what you are looking at when they enter that room?
  • Maybe a phone?
  • What can you do to minimize the chances of you watching Porn?

What time do your relapses usually happen? 

  • Morning?
  • Evening?
  • Do you check your phone at the time?
  • Do you browse social media? Is that a trigger?
  • Do you sleep naked or in clothes?

Your Will power got broken like a twig in the wind. Why?

Where the urges too strong? 

  • If so, what can you do to prevent them from overwhelming you?
  • When the urge hits, do you even try to resist, or do you give in?
  • Could you stop yourself right then and there if you wanted to?

Did your mind start to fight you why you should give in? 

  • If so, what could you do to distract yourself?
  • What can you do to calm your mind on the spot?
  • Divert attention to something else?

How hard is it to access Porn for you? 

  • Does it take a minute or less?
  • How can you extend that time until the peak passes?
  • Add a porn blocker, perhaps?
  • Delete all your collections?

What is your reason to quit masturbation to Porn in the first place?

Is that reason strong enough? 

  • To get benefits, superpowers, a date?
  • Want to be the best version of yourself?
  • Want to get rid of a fetish?
  • PIED – Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction?
  • A desire for better sex with a partner?

Is this solely for you or for your close ones? 

  • Do you want to get rid of this so your spouse will not leave you?
  • So your children will not think you are a pervert?

How long do you want to abstain from Pornography? 

  • Are you doing it as a challenge?
  • Are you going for 90 days?
  • A lifetime?
  • Until you heal?

What are your rules of abstention? 

You consider it a relapse if 

  • You masturbate?
  • Masturbate to Porn?
  • Are you only watching Porn?
  • Masturbating and thinking of porn scenes?
  • Do you think of Porn?

Each time you fail, take a piece of paper or open a note on your phone, and write down why you think you failed this time. Be honest! If your way of thinking got you to fail, even a colossal fail, Write it!

We hate dwelling on our reasons for failure. They are painful, after all. They might even force us to change, and we hate that. We prefer to stay in our comfortable daily routines. We do love our comfort zone.

Embrace Change

It is only a start. The important thing is to get up after every failure. Why exactly? So you can try the same thing again, but with a slightly modified approach. You change one thing you made and try something else instead. It does far, far more for you than helps you push through failures to victory, however. It gives you a useful mechanism through which you will learn from now on if you so choose to.

We usually don’t think of our failures like that. You will check it superficially, conclude what went wrong, and that is that. You will be surprised at what caused you to fail each time when you dig deeper.

There is no need to write everything in the next 5 minutes or an hour. You can take days or think about different approaches when someone is boring you with a conversation. It is essential to be honest with yourself. It will only hurt you if you are not.

In a while, you will notice that your approaches might be entirely off in the first place, or your beliefs and habits need adjustments. It is how you grow through failure and become better.

Suppose a failure costs you money. Embrace it! Every school costs something if not more money than time. The important thing is that you grow and evolve.

Until next time

Article Writen by Joe Average

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